She Wants to Keep the Baby But I Don't

Many people think of pregnancy as a women’s issue, but men have an involvement in the outcome as well. When your partner tells you she’s pregnant, you might be scared, angry, confused, or all three.  What happens if she wants to keep the baby, but you don’t? What do you do in this situation? How can you discuss your thoughts with her in a healthy way? That’s what we tackle in today’s blog. Keep reading for our tips and advice, and then give Ava Women’s Center a call at 844-371-4282 to schedule a free appointment for you and your partner to come in and discuss your options with our trained options counselors.


Confirm the Pregnancy is Real/Viable

The first thing you need to do is make sure you have all the information you can.  Before making any decisions, you need to confirm that the pregnancy is real. We offer free lab-grade pregnancy testing at our center to eliminate any doubts and confirm the pregnancy.  We also offer free ultrasounds for the next step, which is to confirm the pregnancy is viable, as many early pregnancies can end in a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy.

Timing is Important

It’s vital that you don’t rush into anything.  If you make a decision quickly without taking the time to think things through fully, you may regret it later on.  If she is in the early stages of her pregnancy, there is plenty of time to make a decision and process your thoughts and feelings.  A helpful way to do this is to have accurate information on each of your options. At Ava Women’s Center, we offer free appointments for you and your partner to process your concerns and feelings with us in a judgement-free zone.

Know the Reasons Behind Your Feelings

This may seem like a no-brainer, but have you stopped to consider why you don’t want to keep the baby?  For many men, it comes down to fear. Fear that they’re not ready or at a place in their relationship to have a child.  Fear that they won’t be a good father. Fear that they won’t be able to support and raise a child.

Another common reason is that men don’t want to stay with the woman who is pregnant.  Whether it’s because your relationship isn’t working out, or simply that you don’t know her that well, it can seem like the only solution is to not keep the baby.  

Whatever the reasoning is, you need to identify it before moving forward on any decisions to make sure you will be acting out of logical reasoning instead of being ruled by your emotions.

At Ava Women’s Center, we offer free pregnancy and parenting services and resources for couples dealing with unplanned pregnancies.  When faced with an unplanned pregnancy, we know it may seem like an impossible feat, but there are many different resources and financial aid options that make parenting a viable option for both of you.

Having the Conversation

When you sit down with her to talk about your feelings, it’s important that you do so without pressuring her to make a decision or to agree with you.  Be clear and honest about your opinions and feelings, but make sure that you’re not imposing them on her or making her feel like you don’t support her arriving at her own decision.  Here are some things to consider or address when talking with her:

  • What is she expecting of you?  Discuss what she wants your role to be.  Some women appreciate support and guidance, while others need space.  Talk about what she wants/needs as well as what you feel your role should be as well.  Most women would prefer you are honest about how you feel instead of saying, “I’ll support whatever you decide.”  This statement can cause her to feel like she’s carrying the burden of the decision alone.

  • How did she arrive at her decision to keep the baby?  More than likely, your partner has many of the same concerns that you do.  And yet, she is choosing to keep the baby. Asking her to talk about that can help you to see a different point of view and put some of those fears to rest.  Be honest with her about your fears and concerns. While it may not be what she wants to hear, it’s important that you are both aware of each other’s feelings on the matter.

  • Are you prepared for her to raise your child on her own?  If you decide you don’t want to keep the baby but she does, what will that mean for your relationship?  What will your role in the child’s life be? No matter what decision you make, it will have a significant impact on both of your futures.

Talking With an Expert

After you have had the conversation with her, you both may need to take a little time to process what each other said.  This is a situation that will take time to fully process and discuss with your partner. In these cases, it’s a good idea to meet with a counselor or an expert on the matter.  Having an outside perspective on your relationship that can provide insight and options you may not have thought of can be invaluable.

You owe it to her and your relationship to take the time to fully discuss everything with her and explore all of your options before making any decisions.  Ava Women’s Center can help you explore your options and their outcomes and even refer you to counseling for couples that are trying to figure out what their relationship will look like after an unexpected pregnancy.  Call us today at 844-371-4282 to schedule a time to meet with our staff and help you both come to a decision that is best for everyone involved.